A former Portadown gym owner – who seven years ago battled the sudden loss of his one-and-a-half year old daughter – has bravely spoken of that heart-wrenching time and his new perspective on life and business… reassuring all men who have suffered trauma that it’s ok to be vulnerable.
Johnny Betts, former owner of ONE Fitness in Portadown and Lisburn, now lives in Blackskull outside Banbridge with his wife, Sue and their three treasured children and now works as personal performance coach.
In 2019, he and his family suffered the most unimaginable pain when their beautiful daughter, Harriet passed away suddenly, without explanation.
Today, Johnny says with pride that his daughter’s “life and energy has reshaped who I am from the inside and out and how I show up in life”.
Speaking to Armagh I, Johnny explained of Harriet: “She was just at that age, she was starting to talk, walking about and running about the place.
“She would walk around our sun room windowsill and her fingerprints were on every window! She was starting to read books and all.
“That morning, I had her for an hour or two before leaving her over to my mother-in-law and I was throwing her about the bed as I was getting changed and it was just a normal morning.
“I remember reading this book just before I went and she wanted to bring that book with her and I remember looking in the rear view mirror and she was reading it and talking to herself… even though she couldn’t speak.
“When she ran into the hallway of the house I just called to her, ‘Okay Harriet, see you later!’
“My wife would always come then to collect her and at that stage she would still have an afternoon sleep. She went up to get her, but she was gone.”
It was a “nightmare”, said Johnny. Words cannot describe the hardship they suffered.
Shortly after Harriet died, Covid struck and Johnny’s gyms were forced to lockdown. “We closed, we reopened, we closed, we reopened,” he said. And eventually in 2023, they “just couldn’t get back on our feet and closed them down”.
A year after Harriet’s death the family also welcomed a new baby to the household, Fred. It was an incredibly joyful time but coupled with everything they had been going through in the last number of years, it understandably felt like a “whirlwind”.
Johnny describes himself, at that time, as a “typical Alpha male kind of person, a high achiever”. He, like many, had been pushing and pushing his business on, striving for more and using work as a distraction.
It all came to a head in what he called his “rock bottom” and caused him to take stock of his life and what was ultimately important.
“I remember not knowing where to go and not feeling like I could talk to anyone because it would show vulnerability and it would go against the image I had built,” continued Johnny.
“I remember some one saying to me at the time, ‘go easy on yourself and give yourself time’ and I thought I don’t even know what that means? How do you go easy on yourself? The whole narrative as a man is to work hard, be strong.
“We’re asking men to be vulnerable now but for generations and generations that is not what they did. There is more awareness now and men know the importance of talking but what that actually looks like for men is still very scary.”
Johnny worked on himself and his mindset attending counselling, therapy and support services. The work changed his outlook and eventually he retrained as a counsellor himself to use his own personal experiences as a way to help others.
He also set up a mountaineering group called Men, Mind, Mountains with two psychotherapists in attendance to run monthly hikes in the Mournes to support men’s mental health.
The hiking group also feeds into a belief that Johnny holds about the importance of having a “tribe”.
He said: “We are wired to be in tribes and I think in modern society we are more isolated. Having people around to just be with is hugely important.”
He says his “heart” is in supporting other men who have come through similar traumas and also are employers facing the everyday struggles that employers are met with.
Of his own experience in this, he added: “You run away from all of that and it starts to come to the fore. The therapy and counselling help immensely.
“We all have work to do on ourselves. We just live at such a high pace these days, there’s no room for listening and talking, it’s all about producing and striving and getting more stuff. Harriet helped put all of that in perspective a bit more.”
Today, Johnny says he has “learned what love really is”.
His advice to anyone suffering with life, trauma, bereavement and stress, “Time is your most valuable asset. Invest in using it well and be intentional about aligning with what truly matters to you. Not somebody else’s agenda. Listen to your heart.
“Don’t be afraid. Remember that business and life decisions are generally not life and death but our nervous systems often treats them like they are. Don’t let your fear be a ‘dream killer’ or be the reason you choose mediocrity. Go for it!
“Teach yourself to stop over thinking, procrastinating and doubting yourself. They are thieves of your intention, attention, clarity and focus. You will miss important moments, events and experiences that actually have meaning. Learn to breathe.”
Anyone interested in joining Men, Mind, Mountains can find information here.
